Emotional Intelligence IS the difference maker. I call it the EQ-ualizer. (See what I did there?) Studies show that 90% of high performers in 40 different industries have high EQ, even when the same performers differ in personality and IQ. On average, those with high EQ make $29,000 more than their counterparts with lower emotional intelligence. The EQ smarties go head to head with people possession better personalities and even genius IQ’s and win opportunities and more importantly piece of mind.
Your Emotional Quotient should not be overlooked. It can make the difference between a good life and an amazing reality.
There are hundreds ways to “see” someone’s EQ. Below I list out four indicators of low EQ. Please note, I describe both ends of the spectrum in somewhat absolute terms but the reality is most of us experience these symptoms regularly. Sometimes all it takes for change is to see the problems these behavior are causing you and the benefits of making a few adjustments.
- - -Low EQ leads to consistent distrust.
The belief everyone is out to get them strips those around them of their nuances and motives, leaving them faceless, nameless enemies of your success. Each time someone tries to take advantage of them, the memory is stored as proof of the need to protect themselves. Those that don’t share the same fears are mocked as optimistic fools who eventually will share their fate.
The problem with distrust:
Of course there is a purpose to this distrust. Like a clock reading the correct time twice a day, you will sometimes be right—sometimes people want to take advantage of you. It’s part of living on the planet with other humans. Author and success expert Steven Covey describes the result of distrust and simply creating more distrust in yourself and others. Yet the most powerful moments happen in collaboration and consistent distrust stands in the way of the magic.
EQ = Optimism
Those with high EQ's tend to be optimists. Don’t assume it’s because everything has gone their way. They are aware of interpersonal challenges and oppression. But, their excitement at the possibility of working with others to make an impact on their community outweighs the need to see everyone as a potential enemy. To the high EQ, distrust is draining. Instead, they put their trust in their intuition, if there is a need for self-protection, they will have the ability to handle it then. In the meantime, they are enjoying themselves and making a difference.
- - -Low EQ leads to regular conflict.
Usually born out of distrust, conflict arises when they move past dialogue and disagreement and step into combat. A simple discussion about something as benign as a zucchini turns into a philosophical challenge. For those who rely on conflict, they spend more of their time determining whether you agree with them and then taking issue with your differences. They live on an island of thought and believe it is their right to do battle over anything and everything. In fact, they might be more comfortable complaining and stressing and distrust peaceful agreement.
The problem with constant conflict:
Not only is this individual acting on their basic distrust of the world, but they engage, distract and disempower those around them. Instead of connecting and working together, they get less done. Their time is spent arguing, rather than building something that could make the situation better.
EQ = Collaborative
Those with high EQ's embrace collaboration. I know this term is overused but in it’s best form it’s about sharing thought, tasks and eventually deepened understanding and hopefully celebration. They understand it may be quicker to do it alone but the heights of achievement are higher together. In the end, experts believe the soft “people” skills of a contributor with high EQ are needed for the collaborative leadership required in most professional situations today.
- - -Low EQ results in underachievement.
Those with low emotional intelligence rarely reach their full potential. They avoid the ingredients necessary for this fulfillment—the opportunity to learn lessons from risk and failure. They utilize their peers as the benchmark for productivity and doing better than most and “not getting anything wrong” is good enough. Often,
The problem with underachievement:
Fear is the primary driver for those with low EQ. Because looking good is more important than being excellent, they continue to fall behind their own abilities until the challenge to their potential is a distant memory. Eventually, they lose touch with their own possibilities.
EQ = Purpose
Individuals with high EQ tune into their purpose. They embrace two important ideas: their own lives have deeper meaning and others’ lives are equally important even when the two don’t match up. They tune into the present and try to align the moment with a bigger picture of their lives. As a result, their lives are less about looking good and more about doing good.
Low EQ results in debilitating distraction.
Distraction is a common state of mind for those with lower EQ’s. External circumstances drive happiness and safety, pulling them away from consistent patterns of success. Long term gains are sacrificed for momentary pleasures—staying in bed rather than working out, going out to dinner instead of putting money in savings, arguing with a spouse when remaining silent gets them closer to what they want. Incidentally, distraction often leads to overwhelm and confusion, making them seem unhappy a great deal of the time.
The problem with constant distraction.
It’s simple, really. Distraction leaves you with less than you deserve and more to do. Projects are left undone. Guilt of time and resource mismanagement are common. Outside circumstances ruin perfectly lovely opportunities. Those who are unable to stay the course tend to feel sad, overwhelmed and anxious.
EQ = Focus
People who have high EQ are intrinsically motivated and able to maintain focus. Don’t get me wrong—it’s not that they don’t get mad—but they understand they have a choice as to when they discuss the issue. They enjoy their life and can see a bigger picture that is worth sacrifices when necessary.
- - -Don't feel judged. Instead, get to work!
Maybe after you read this, you feel judged. You are thinking—what kind of robots can remain unaffected by their surroundings? It’s a hard world out there! My friend, that is true. But unlike IQ and personality, EQ can be significantly improved. You CAN grow in your emotional intelligence. If you want to feel a sense of deeper purpose, find the motivation to do what is right for you and feel less frustrated with your environment, work on your EQ.
You will feel a difference.
@Elizabeth Parayil-Nead
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